GOLD

"But He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold". Job 23:10

"You're going to make it. And you don't need to look good in the process. You sure don't need to worry about looking good." --William Finch

Me--I have a feeling there's a test coming...
CA friend: "And what would the purpose of the test be?"
--That I come forth as gold?
"Sonja, you already are gold. It's already there"

10 min later. Phone rings. I almost don't answer it...
William: "Hey! I'm so glad you're my friend! You're a gold nugget! I have this dream I want to talk to you about..."

Same verse, different version: "But he knows where I am and what I've done. He can cross-examine me all he wants, and I'll pass the test with honors."

So, I'm reading this other verse, that's never really been soothing..."Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles.' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers'!"--Jesus (Mt 7: 21-23).

I start to dialogue with Jesus: I noted that he said, "I never knew YOU", not "you never knew ME". "I don't get this! How can you say you never knew someone, when you say that you know every word on our tongues before we say it and that you wrote all of our days in your book before one of them came to pass?"
I was thinking...I've at least prophesied... and have been used in some minor miracles and certainly aspire to more. He said, "It's about freewill. Any place that you choose to hide from me, because you're afraid of what you'll find, or you don't trust me, or it's too painful, or whatever excuse, conscious or not, any place that you hide from me, I won't "know". (and of course biblical knowing is quite intimate). And if I can't know you there, in your sin, in your shame, in your fear, in your regrets, embarrassments, anger, failings...If you don't trust me to be a safe place and bring it all to me, being real with me, and letting me know you there... then I can't show you how beautiful my love is for you there, and heal you there, and begin to grow something beautiful of that fertilizer (shit). That IS the will of my Father. That you let me love you, transform you...you have nothing to prove. That you come to me and rest in me and be transformed by me. Beautifully dependent on me.

Isaiah 45:2 "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

I'm "on a sabbatical for personal reasons". I love the word sabbatical. It means a year off, and it means rest. God had the Israelites sow and harvest the land for 6 years, and on the seventh, they were to let it lay and rest, unplowed and unused. This was to take care of the poor and the wild animals. They were to do this with their grain fields, their vineyards and their olive groves. (Grain, wine and oil...) I love it that God himself made a big deal of resting on the seventh day, of letting the Israelites delight in it, and emphasizing it in the New Testament too. Hebrews chapter 4 is all about it. "Lets make every effort to enter that rest." and He highlights keeping your heart open to his voice in the SAME context, and also that he is able to sympathize with our weaknesses! And that we can go directly to his throne whenever we need help. It's referred to as the "throne of grace" and it's where we find grace and mercy whenEVER we need it. This is all in the SAME chapter about entering his rest as a lifestyle. "Today if you hear my voice, do not harden your hearts." (Heb 4:7) The thing is, his voice is so beautiful, so freeing, so healing, so inviting..."Come up here to my throne of grace! I'll give you just what you need. I'll give you rest. No more striving, trying harder, worrying what others think. I'm delighted with you, I want to spend time with you. I love you!"

So I've been spending interactive time with what I've come to call the "Voice of Love". He is ALWAYS there when I call on him, when I ask a question, ask for more explanation. He lets me know that he's pleased with my faith, with my progress, with my honesty. He shows me pictures, explains them, and we have a lot of fun together. He isn't uncomfortable with my tears or my emotion. In fact, I am repeatedly assured that he know just what makes me tick, since he created me, uniquely and in his image. In Hosea, God says, "I will allure her to the wilderness and I will speak tenderly to her." At first I was surprised when he spoke so tenderly. Sad but true. I had such shame from a performance-oriented society (that we all live in) and certain "religious" beliefs, that I thought that if I wasn't going to church (I know! How can you go to what you ARE?), I didn't deserve to be spoken to tenderly. But he is relentlessly kind and tender. He's shown me where I've bought into the system of performing and the idol of looking "good", but he's shown me in such a beautiful, gentle way, so that he can free me from it. So I'm getting "inner healing" and hope, just by hanging out with him and engaging with the good things he wants to do in me and for me. I can't get enough of him! I'm starting to evangelize "interactive time in his presence" in almost every conversation, if I get to steer it. Such as this note.

You know how the prostitutes loved him, and the "winebibbers" partied with him, and the children ran up to him? He really did have good news and a great vibe to share. Only the people that felt safe in the system of performing and having others perform, and trying harder, and shaming others for not trying hard enough... they didn't care for his brand of freedom. They didn't get his kind of unconditional love.
He's gently showing me in what ways I've been like that and is setting me free. That, yes, I've been religious, I bought into it and played the draining game, but he's restoring my innocence and enthusiasm and wonder. That he celebrates my little successes, that he loves is that I'm running more quickly into his arms when I'm feeling fragile or like I've blown it. He lets me know that when I''m vulnerable, feeling exposed or like I've blown it again, that he can do some of his best transforming work as long I as come. He gives me a picture of him resting in my heart on clean, white pillowcases, and thanks me for preparing resting places. He assures me there will be plenty more pillows and cases, he's got them ready for the dark corners, and he's going to walk with me into them with his flashlight, holding my hand. Treasures in darkness, riches in secret places.

Vision: I was in a rowboat, sitting, about 12 feet from shore. I see Jesus wearing black jeans and a black rock band T-shirt and a white belt. He starts wading and splashing through the water to get to me. He has a big smile on his face. He hops in the boat, and is standing up on one of the benches, making it pitch back and forth. I'm concerned that we're going to capsize. He smiles at me and says, "I'm not afraid to rock the boat." I laugh out loud while having the vision, and think, "Thus, the rock and roll T-shirt." He's fun like that, good like that, hanging out with me. We're having a good sabbatical. He's entered his rest (Heb 4:3), why not be there with Him?

(BTW: Stirthewater.com has some amazing exercises for awaking the seer/ hearer. Each exercise has seven stages of questions around a theme, and they provide some training wheels while the interactive dialogue becomes a way of life. I recommend.)

From The Message -- Jesus speaking:
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed you when feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. You're blessed when you've lost it all. God's kingdom is there for the finding. You're blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning."

(excerpt from Greg Boyd's "Seeing is Believing: Experience Jesus through imaginative prayer.)

"The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of truth. Where the Holy Spirit is working, what is concealed will be revealed, and things will look as bad, or as good, as they really are. How things APPEAR will not be of concern, so how things ACTUALLY ARE can be openly addressed. Where the Holy Spirit is moving, sick people will be free to be unhealthy and thus will be free to be healed."
...
"Our lives, of course are far from perfect; we still struggle with sin. Yet what Scripture tells us is that all of our sin (ALL) has been taken care of, paid for, forgiven, and forever canceled. The worst thing about us has been exposed (that our sin was so awful, shameful and evil that Jesus had to die), and thus the only leverage Satan could use to keep us in shame and fear is forever gone."
(Greg's thesis is, in a nutshell, that what we believe to be true isn't always what we experience as real. Since these "real" beliefs came about through real experiential hurts, lies, etc., then we need to experience Jesus interactively to get our real and true to line up. This is done by resting in Him, listening, seeing, dialoguing, and NOT by trying harder to please him when he just wants to give us life for free.)

Sounds like hidden treasure that just may be on a narrow road less traveled. In a culture of performance, resting certainly is a narrower road...They don't call it "good news" for nothing.
He calls us the temple of the Holy Spirit. The pattern for the temple was that it was filled with gold, glory and His Very Presence...right at the Mercy Seat, where the blood covers.

"Please do not decline the new wine, or the skin that it comes in" --Cassandra Bartholomew

Grace and peace, Sonja

--originally a "note" from my facebook page